Natural parenting

Where is the instruction manual?

I don’t know if you are like me, when I buy a new TV or appliance I am the type of guy who usually rips the gadget out of the box and tries to put it together by looking at the picture on the cover, then I plug it in and expect it to work, it is usually only at this point if I discover that the gadget is not working like it’s supposed to that I will consider looking at the instruction manual.

This practice has served me well to date and I can boast pretty freely that I can get most of the gadgets that I buy to work without having to drag out the brick, the manufacturer calls “an easy to use guide”.

Having said all that I must admit that if there was ever an instruction manual that I desired to get my hands on, it would have been the one that should have been attached to my kids, I am not entirely sure were my wife or I left it, maybe in all the excitement of giving birth we forgot to ask the hospital for the manuals that are supposed to come with the babies. I am pretty sure that a lot of people forget their kids manuals too because to date I have not met a parent that can show me the manual that came with their kids.

Even if there was a generic manual, how could it hope to cover all the types and personalities that children come in, they are all so different. What is right for one child in a certain situation is not necessarily right for the other child. What worked perfectly for one child proves to be a flop for the next.

I believe that the reason that kids don’t come with instruction manuals is that most of the answers that we need to be great parents are already within us, it’s like we already have the software program called “parenting 101” inbuilt into our DNA and all we have to do to activate it is have the desire and determination to do whatever it takes to be a great parent.

I am not saying that great parenting books (like this one), seminars, advice or counsel are of no use in your development as a parent. I believe that all of those resources should be utilised and invested in with you time, energy and income. What I am saying is that these tools will be of a greater benefit to you if you first believe that you have the natural capacity to be a great parent.

The privilege of parenting

I take my role as a parent pretty seriously with regards to the responsibility and entrustment that has been handed to me by life. Whilst I try and not take myself too seriously I have a keen sense of privilege and humility in being entrusted with the care and nurture of my wonderful children.

I know of many couples who have tried unsuccessfully for years to become parents, agonising over one failed attempt after another in their desire to become parents. I have also unfortunately met other couples who treated their calling as parents as more of an inconvenience to their journey of life. I can think of no greater vocation or calling in the world than that of being a parent, entrusted with the bringing forth the next generation of men and women who will rule the World when we have passed on to eternity.

It is true that parenting is under siege in certain parts of society, there is so much information and misinformation available. Some parents shame the name with their neglect and lack of wisdom in raising their children, yet I believe this is not true for most people, the majority of parents that I have spoken to, taught through my conferences and seminars or coached, have a genuine desire to be great parents so they can set their children up with the best shot possible at life. I am sure that you are just like this latter group otherwise you would not be reading this book.

Redefining success

Here is a pertinent question in the first chapter of this book “What does success look like for you”? “Does your picture of success involve your children”?

It’s great to go for the big house, flash car and big bank account, but if you had all these and yet was a failure as a parent, resulting in you being estranged from your kids, would you truly be a success?

How do you define success?

Are your children a top priority in your life or are they just, there?

If you have never included your kids in a specific way with regards to your definition of success before, then I would like to encourage you to grab a piece of paper and take a moment to write down exactly what it means to you to be a successful parent?

I know that sometimes it seems easier to be a success everywhere else but at home, yet we need to embrace our callings as parents and invest the time, energy and desire to win at home as well as at work. Your child/children deserve the best of you, not the dregs that are left over after a hard day at work.

If your children are integral to your definition of success then I guarantee that you will find a way to be able to give them your best and see that they become all whom they were meant to be.

Beginning with a vision of the end

Sometimes the journey of parenting can get a little overwhelming to say the least, some days and seasons are pretty tough. It is important in those times to have a clear picture in your mind of the awesome potential that lives inside every child, they may not be showing much promise at that moment or they may look like they are going off the rails, but this is when we can truly shine as parents, this is when we need to realise that this could be our finest hour. It’s at that point that we need to be able to see the fullness of our child’s potential and champion it to them.

I am not saying that you deny that they may be behaving poorly or in a context that is not in line with their best interest, I am simply saying that this is when our ability to see the giant within them needs to be at the forefront of our minds and on our lips as we encourage them to not give up on themselves as we certainly won’t.

My kids are giants in the making when they are behaving well or not so well, my expectations and desire for them does not fluctuate at all, they are beautiful, generous, gentle, intelligent, creative and uniquely gifted individuals who are growing in their destinies through the good and seemingly hard times of life. This is what it means to live with a vision of the end for your kids. It will serve you as an unshakable anchor in your soul when you need it most.

As a human being you are naturally resourced in your instincts to be a great parent, if something in your life has damaged this confidence or you have accepted something less than this estimation of yourself, you need to make a decision to trash that thinking and embrace your calling as an awesome parent that has all the necessary tools to raise a modern day giant.

If you’re about to begin this parenting journey and you are feeling a little overwhelmed I want to help you by saying, just take a deep breath and say out loud to yourself “it’s going to be great, I am a perfect fit for my unborn child, I will grow with my child as a parent and I will never be the same”.

If your track record as a parent to date is not exactly what you would like it to be, and you are beating yourself up about it, living in the land of “I should have” or “I wish I hadn’t”, this can be a pretty tough place to be in, however it is also an unhelpful place to live in as a parent. With all due respect and compassion I want to encourage you to forgive yourself and move forward. Let the seeming failures of yesterday make you a better parent today, you are now better equipped with the knowledge of what not to do in some situations. Your kids do not need the perfect parent; you could never live up to that standard and they would never be able to the standard of being the perfect kids. All they need is your desire to do your best. I am sure that you have done the best that you could with the resources and situations you found yourself in. Today however can be a new day if you will allow it to be.

Make no mistake about it, within every child is a giant that is waiting to be loved, trained and released into the world, you have the awesome privilege to partner with destiny in nurturing these young hearts and seeing a miracle unfold before you. I will be partnering with you to some degree as you read the following chapters of this book; it is my privilege to be counted worthy of that honour by you.

David Balestri

Peak performance consultant
www.giantmaker.com.au (Coming soon!)
Mobile: 0406756179
Email:davebalestri@gmail.com

"Do less, be more!"